U.S. — Home Depot has begun rolling out self-deportation kiosks so local day laborers hanging around outside their stores can conveniently deport themselves for a nominal fee.
"We are always looking for new ways to serve our customers, and Mexican day laborers are among our most loyal," said Home Depot CEO Dave Depot. "That's why we're proud to announce a partnership with Immigration and Customs Enforcement to make deportation a breeze."
Illegal aliens say they're so excited to deport themselves that they would have considered lining up early if they weren't already loitering in Home Depot parking lots every day.
"¡Guau!" said Eduardo Esteves before he was detained by ICE agents. "¡Tan conveniente!"
"¡Gracias, el Home Depot!"
To ensure a smooth experience, the self-deportation kiosks feature a Spanish interface, and an ICE agent is always on hand to help anyone having trouble checking out.
"Okay, now press ‘No' if you don't want any bags," an ICE agent wearing a Home Depot apron helpfully explained to a customer on one occasion.
At publishing time, despite their initial success, Home Depot discontinued the use of their self-deportation kiosks after they saw a noticeable slump in sales.
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