NEW YORK, NY — According to sources, a group of Episcopalian parishioners has found a strange old book hidden underneath one of their church's pews.
The book, labeled "Holy Bible" on the front of it, was apparently unknown and completely foreign to everyone at the church, leaving leaders in fear that the church may have been infiltrated by right-wing religious extremists.
"It contained strange text and verses we had never seen before," said Presiding Bishop Sean Rowe. "Just a cursory glance through this ‘Bible' was troubling. It appears to speak of an almighty deity none of us are familiar with in any way. This seems like it would be the sacred text for fringe, right-wing people who adhere to a dangerous set of fundamental values. We've launched a full investigation into how this ‘Bible' could have been brought into our church so we can prevent it from ever happening again."
The congregant who discovered the book was still shaken up over the incident hours later. "I've heard things about this book," said parishioner Lawrence Daly. "Terrifying things. People who read and believe the things in this book believe in a ‘God' who will someday hold unrepentant people accountable for something called ‘sin' and… and… I'm sorry, I can't talk about it. I knew I had to notify the church leaders about it. An Episcopal church is the last place for a book like this."
At publishing time, sources close to the Episcopal Church said an investigation was underway to determine the identity of the book's owner and root out any hint of Christianity from its congregation.
Meet Chuck, a Nazi with an identity crisis.
