ATLANTA, GA — Amid controversy stemming from a provocative social media post, popular fast-food chain Arby's issued a formal apology for offending their main customer base of sad, pathetic losers.
The roast beef sandwich vendor expressed regret that the post to its X account referencing fathers abandoning their children had caused pain and anger among the millions of pitiful wretches who enjoy its food and frequent its restaurants.
"We are deeply sorry for upsetting the hideous societal outcasts we hold so dear," said Arby's CEO Paul J. Brown in a written statement. "We like to allow our social media team to have a little fun and make some jokes every now and then, but we clearly went too far and offended the disgusting rejects that make up a vast majority of our customer base. We apologize and hope you enjoy your roast beef sandwich the next time each one of you poor excuses for humanity visit us again."
A representative of the nation's sad, pathetic losers said it would take time for Arby's to repair the damage that had been done. "It just hurts," said sad, pathetic loser, Ralph Berman. "I love Arby's. Nothing hits the spot like a Big Roast Beef and curly fries smothered in Horsey Sauce, but I don't need Arby's to remind me that my dad abandoned me when I was six. I'll be there tonight for a Ham & Swiss Melt, but I won't be happy about it. Then again, I'm never happy, so there's that."
At publishing time, Arby's had issued a press release offering a free apple turnover to any pitiful failure who was offended by the original post.
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