U.S. — Conservatives across the country have expressed concern over the United States becoming entangled in another foreign war -- OHHH DANG OUR SUBMARINE JUST FRIGGIN' TORPEDOED A BOAT WE ARE SO BACK!!!
WE'RE TALKING PERISCOPE VIDEOS AND BOATS GOING DOWN TO DAVEY JONES' LOCKER LET'S GOOOOOO!!!
"It's a nuanced and delicate issue," said longtime conservative Richard Meacham. "Iran has killed hundreds of Americans over the past decades in various acts of violence, and the threat of a nuclear Iran to American lives and interests is very real. However, it is unclear to me if there was really an imminent threat necessitating -- HOLD UP HOLD UP WE GOT SUBMARINES TAKING OUT ENEMY WARSHIPS ON THE HIGH SEAS! BOOM!! FIRE THE TORPEDOES, CAPTAIN, WE ARE BACK, BABYYYY!!!"
At publishing time, conservatives across the country had called in sick due to a dire need to watch more submarine videos.
Governor Gavin Newsom understands the struggle!
