TEHRAN — In a tragic oversight, Iran's "Assembly of Experts" forgot to include an expert in not dying in a massive fireball.
Tasked with choosing the next Ayatollah, the entire Assembly of Experts was blown into tiny pieces yesterday as none of the assembled leaders had any expertise in not getting blown up with a giant bomb.
"In retrospect, we really should have had at least one expert in not getting exploded," said Iranian government official Hashimi Rezai. "There were experts in chemistry, mathematics, but no one well-versed in not dying. Maybe just one guy who could have said, 'Hey. Let's not all meet together in person, seeing as how all our other leaders were just blown up while meeting together in person'. Hindsight, you know?"
Unfortunately, the realization has come too late as the Assembly of Experts is now in small fragments spread around Tehran. Local man Rahman Mohammadi stated that he, an expert in not getting blown up, was denied a spot in the Assembly just last year. "They turned me down, the fools," said Mohammadi. "In Iran, having an expert in not getting hit with a missile should be the first thing on the list. But noooo. No room for Rahman, they said. I bet they're regretting it now. Well, maybe not. They're all dead."
At publishing time, an advertisement had appeared for any high-ranking Iranian officials who wanted to help form a new Assembly of Experts. The kick-off meeting is to be held at exactly 4 p.m. in a small building away from civilian centers.
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