Government Clarifies Alert Message Reading 'THE ARACHNIDS ARE HERE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!' Just A Test
U.S. · Oct 4, 2023 ·

U.S. — The federal government quickly reminded everyone that the emergency alert telling everyone to run for their lives from invading arachnids was merely a test.

"To clarify, the message that we are all about to die was just a test," said the White House. "We're going to assume from the millions of dead boomers lying in the street that the system worked."

After weeks of preparation, the National Emergency Alert System decided to go with invading arachnids for the test message. "It really conveys the level of panic we want people to feel," said Director Amanda Baines. "You hear that sound, we want people running into the streets in terror looking for the mutant monsters that have come to kill us all. I think we're on the right track."

At publishing time, it was discovered that half the United States Senate had died from heart attacks as a result of the test.

By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?

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