NEW YORK, NY — The notoriously frugal Donaldson family cleverly posed as illegal immigrants, scoring a free week at a luxury hotel in downtown New York City.
"Good eveni --- I mean, hola, amiga!" said Mr. Donaldson, approaching the hotel desk. "We are weary illegal immigrants looking for a top floor corner suite, preferably with a jacuzzi! Away from the ice machine, por favor!"
Despite their pale skin and South Carolina drawl, the Donaldsons managed to fool the hotel staff with authentic Party City sombreros and bushy stick-on moustaches. "My name? Ah yes, my name is Jesus, this is my wife Rosalita, and my daughters Rosalita Junior and, uh, Rosalita extra Junior" said Mr. Donaldson to the check-in clerk. "See, they all have the moustache like me. Muy, muy guapo! Would you care for a churro?"
Feeling compassion for their plight, the hotel employee offered condolences to the Donaldson family for Governor Hochul's harsh words about illegal immigrants coming to New York. "Such ignorance," responded Mrs. Donaldson. "You know, a little room service would go a long way towards healing the wounds. Some - what do you Americans call them - margaritas, perhaps?"
At publishing time, a hotel employee had become suspicious after seeing Mr. Donaldson without his moustache, but he saved the ruse by quickly asking, "Donde está la biblioteca?"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
