MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google announced an update for its popular Google Maps application that would automatically subtract an hour from travel time if it knows a dad is driving.
"Dads statistically make fewer stops, race to get ahead of semis, and pretend they're driving cool spy cars with a sense of urgency," explained Google CEO Sundar Pichai. "Now Google Maps is designed to anticipate that behavior and calculate it into a trip's ETA."
According to Google Maps' latest patch notes, inputting a trip destination will now activate a highly sophisticated algorithm capable of determining if a dad is driving.
"This is extremely sophisticated software," Google developer Jack Wong explained. "The user doesn't need to do anything but drive, and it'll intuitively understand if you're a dad by your driving patterns and how often you say, ‘pew pew,' while pretending to blow up other cars."
At publishing time, Google Maps had come under fire after a woman who identified as a man said the application routinely added three hours to her travel time.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
