U.S.—Amazed onlookers across the country confirmed Tuesday that a massive, brilliant rainbow appeared in the sky, a promise from the Almighty that He will never flood the earth with so many liberal tears again.
A booming voice accompanied the wondrous sign, making a covenant with the nation never to allow liberals' tears to cover the entire surface of the earth again, as occurred over the past several weeks. The miraculous message in the heavens appeared just as the floodwaters from Brett Kavanaugh's nomination began to recede and portions of dry land began to emerge from the surface of the waters.
"It's great that we have this guarantee because I was getting really worried about how we would keep our heads above water when Ginsburg retires," said one man in Connecticut. "Praise the Lord for His grace upon mankind!"
Kavanaugh himself celebrated the reappearance of dry land by planting a vineyard and telling his family he was going to go lie down in an adjacent tent for a while, according to sources.
The covenant does have one loophole, however: should Trump win reelection, the Lord would make "no guarantees" that a literal worldwide flood would not occur.
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