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Amazon Raises Minimum Wage For Workers Building Their Own Robotic Replacements

SEATTLE, WA—Amazon has raised its minimum wage to $15 for all of the company's workers, who are now tasked full-time with building robots to replace them as soon as possible.

Everyone in the company from the bottom up will be guaranteed the minimum wage, even as they're asked to fashion robotic parts and program the machines to do their own jobs much more efficiently.

"$15 an hour is a good, solid wage for people who are building robot versions of themselves to replace them within a few months," said CEO Jeff Bezos. "There has been a strong push for a $15 minimum wage nationwide, but we want to jump ahead of the curve and voluntarily offer that money to people who will soon be out of work entirely thanks to their robot successors."

But Bezos didn't stop at just offering $15 an hour for workers building robots to take their place: he also threw in a $25 Amazon gift card upon their termination, which "should land right around Christmas."

"Why wait for a government minimum wage law to put them out of work when the free market can do that already?" he concluded.