HEAVEN — A popular question was finally answered today, as a messenger from heaven revealed that God does believe in Jordan Peterson, but only as a metaphorical idea and not as a concrete fact.
Though Christians and intellectuals alike had debated the topic for several years, the public at large was notified that the Lord Almighty does, in fact, acknowledge that Dr. Peterson does exist, if only in a philosophical sense.
"Yes, God does acknowledge that Jordan Peterson is real, but not as a mere physical entity, no, no! That would be too simplistic, wouldn't it?" a spokesangel said in a statement read from a shining scroll. "To confine such a notion to the material realm is to miss the profound symbolic significance. Jordan Peterson is not a man so much as he is a representation of the perennial struggle between chaos and order, a constellation of archetypes striving to articulate the meaning of existence. To see him as a flesh-and-bone being dwelling in physical space and time is to live in ignorance. He is, instead, a metaphorical idea — a psychological structure manifesting the eternal truth that we must stand upright, shoulder our burdens, and speak the truth even when the dragon of chaos roars. That is the true essence of Jordan Peterson."
The spokesangel also confirmed that God Almighty was open to the idea of going on a speaking tour to talk to crowds of people about signs that can be seen throughout human history that provide strong evidence that Jordan Peterson is real in a certain sense. "There's definitely a market for such a tour," the spokesangel said. "Millions of people around the world are searching for something they can hold on to. God would like to invite other people into the journey of investigating what truths can be discovered by those who wrestle with Jordan Peterson."
At publishing time, God had been contacted by Jeremy Boreing to gauge His interest in hosting a Daily Wire+ series.
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