MENIFEE, CA - Having failed in his stand-up comedy career, never once having made an audience laugh despite trying all of his jokes, local man Frank Peters has resigned himself to just becoming a pastor.

"The jokes weren't landing in the stand-up circuit, but the church is, like, a captive audience, man!" said Peters, who is now the pastor of Resurrection Fellowship. "Christians have much lower standards for what they laugh at, whether that's jokes in the pulpit, funny movies, or satire sites."

"Just last week, I told them we know God loves baseball because he starts His book with 'in the big inning' - they were absolutely rolling! Great crowd."

Peters also used some classic zingers like saying that when Abraham and Isaac built a computer together, God provided the RAM, and he also loves telling people to appreciate the "buts of the Bible."

"That one is gold, man! Gold!"

At publishing time, Peters had confirmed that he has instituted a two-drink minimum from the church coffee bar for each of his stand-up sets -- err, sermons.