MENLO PARK, CA—By popular demand, Facebook is awarding everyone a printable medical degree.
Medical degrees used to be hard to get, but now, all you need to do is comment your medical opinions on Facebook. Then, you'll automatically get a message with a link to your very own M.D. You can print it out and hang it on your wall. Then, when someone asks if you have any qualifications to back up one of your medical statements, you can just point to it and say, "Ya burnt."
"The biggest problem with our platform is many people comment on medical things but have no medical background," said Mark Zuckerberg. "Now, everyone on Facebook is officially a doctor. Problem solved."
People hawking essential oils or Plexus products on the internet with vague statements about gut health, fitness, and wellness, will now have the credentials to back their claims up. You'll no longer have to worry about your crazy friend who's always posting about "Big Pharma" and all actual medical advice being a hoax -- because now, he'll be a doctor.
Twitter is following suit, and everyone in the nation is expected to be a doctor by tomorrow morning.