IRAQ — According to sources, the prophet Ezekiel is absolutely kicking himself for not thinking to patent a recipe for sprouted flourless bread prepared over cow dung because he imagined no one in their right mind would want to eat it.
"This is a bread the Lord used as a sign to illustrate the judgment of Jerusalem. It's not supposed to be something you want to eat!" the prophet had cried out. "I spent all that time symbolizing the destruction of Jerusalem and the only thing people got out of it was a recipe for healthy living."
Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.
Ezekiel bread, which is described as being eaten "with anxiety," is now a popular alternative to good-tasting bread by people who chase health benefits wherever they can find them.
"I didn't even know I could turn this into a business," Ezekiel lamented. "I would never have thought to patent a recipe delivered by divine revelation, let alone one that tastes terrible on purpose."
At publishing time, Ezekiel had filed suit against Food For Life Baking Company for the illegal use of his name. The company has since renamed its product to Judgment Bread.
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