U.S. — According to several election experts, parking in front of a computer on election night to constantly refresh the election map is one of the best ways to ensure your preferred candidate wins the election.
"This is great news," said local election enthusiast Mortimer Smith. "I've been on CNN's website all night clicking ‘refresh' on the election map so I don't miss a single change in the results, and it's good to know my obsessive enthusiasm for my preferred candidate is making a real difference somehow."
Experts estimate that approximately 32 million Americans are currently staring at computer screens clicking "refresh," and the side that does this the most will have over a 25-point advantage in the Electoral College.
"We're encouraging all our supporters to stare at election maps and click ‘refresh' as often as possible until their eyes glaze over and they have a complete mental breakdown," said a Harris campaign surrogate. "Every little bit matters!"
At publishing time, experts had also confirmed that praying helps even more.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
