U.S. — Election officials in several Democrat-controlled swing states have assured citizens that everything's looking good and you can go to sleep now and let them take care of the rest of the counting overnight.
"We thank you for your interest in our democratic processes, but you can all go to sleep now," said Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson. "We have everything under control. You should also have a stiff drink or maybe a strong sedative so you can sleep restfully until we can finish doing all the things we need to do to save democracy and stuff. We'll take it from here."
"America, it is well past your bedtime," scolded former President Obama. "Go to sleep already! There's nothing to worry about. We have people working all night to keep your democracy safe. There's definitely not anything weird going on or anything. Just close your eyes and rest now."
Multiple news outlets echoed the sentiment, calling on their journalists to get some much-needed rest. "Go ahead and turn off your cameras and recording devices and get some shut-eye," said one CNN producer to his staff. "There will probably not be anything worth covering between the hours of midnight and 4AM. Good night everyone!"
At publishing time, election officials were still having a hard time convincing Republican poll watchers to get some rest.
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