HYATTSVILLE, MD—An exasperated waitress at a local Olive Garden restaurant was forced to ask Senator Bernie Sanders if he was just gonna sit there all night eating free breadsticks or if he was going to order something, sources confirmed Monday evening.
Sanders walked in and the waitress asked if she could bring him a basket of breadsticks while he thought about what he wanted to order. Sanders' eyes went wild. "Free bread? Oh, I think I would like that very much."
"You mean---you'll just bring breadsticks I can munch on while I mull over the menu?" he asked. "I don't have to stand in a line for them or anything? Great, bring 2 baskets---no wait, make that 3!"
The senator also ordered a water to sip on and proceeded to examine the menu carefully for the next three hours. "You know what the problem with places like this is?" he asked his frustrated server 30 minutes after the restaurant closed and he still hadn't ordered anything. "There's too much selection. I don't want to live in a world where we have 14 different varieties of chicken alfredo. Selection, choice, abundance---all evils of late-stage capitalism!"
About an hour later, Sanders reportedly attempted to escape out the bathroom window to avoid paying for anything, but his tufts of hair got caught on the window sill.
At publishing time, Sanders took to Twitter to rant against the evils of capitalism after Olive Garden attempted to charge him $4.99 for the unlimited breadsticks.