Home > Scripture > Wise Men Actually Just Sent Gifts Using Free Prime Shipping, Scholars Now ...
Scripture
Wise Men Actually Just Sent Gifts Using Free Prime Shipping, Scholars Now Believe

U.S.—Bible scholars now claim the wise men didn't deliver their gifts in person a few years late, as is commonly believed, but instead delivered presents directly to the Messiah using Amazon's convenient one-day Prime shipping.

"Instead of making the long, dangerous trek through the desert, the Magi simply hopped on Amazon and ordered gold, frankincense, and myrrh for one low price with free one-day shipping included," said Dr. Brad Larson of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. "There really was no sense in going all that way when Mary and Joseph already had a convenient Amazon Wishlist all set up for the newborn king."

Of course, scholars think the wise men committed the gift-giving sin of going "off-list," ordering Jesus things they thought He would enjoy rather than sticking to the list.

"We appreciate the gesture, of course," Mary reportedly told a source. "But diapers and a Starbucks gift card would have been a lot more useful. The gold is nice, though -- I'm not knocking it."

According to researchers, Herod stopped the Amazon driver on his way in, asking where the packages were headed. The driver promised to come back and report on where the Messiah was born but failed to do so as he had 478 more stops to make in Bethlehem and ran out of time. 

Breaking: Paypal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.