Politics
Elizabeth Warren Reveals Plan To Pay For Medicare For All: New Color Printer That Prints Realistic-Looking $100 Bills

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren has been pressed a lot on how she plans to pay for Medicare for All -- a plan that could require $34 trillion in additional federal spending over ten years -- without raising taxes on the middle class. Today, she finally revealed her plan: a new Canon color printer she purchased.

“Look at this,” Senator Warren told the press as she held up a standard letter-sized piece of paper on which she had printed eight one hundred dollar bills. “They look real. We just print enough of these, and we can pay for it all. And by the time anyone realizes they’re not real, we’ll be running away with all our Medicare.”

While being caught as counterfeiters would be a concern, Warren noted that the people in charge of finding counterfeit money, the Secret Service, would also be in charge of protecting her if she were president, so she would just keep getting herself held hostage by terrorists to keep them distracted.

“It’s a great plan,” Warren said as she printed more sheets of hundred dollar bills. “I have lots of plans.”

The Canon printer Warren bought is very fast and can print on both sides of the paper in just five seconds. If she keeps it running continually, it will print all the money needed for Medicare for All in approximately seven thousand years.

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