WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that experts said could finally resolve the deficit crisis once and for all, congressional Republicans unveiled a new debt plan to transfer the balance to a Capital One credit card with a 0% intro APR.
The revolutionary idea suddenly dawned on lawmakers after decades of negotiations and stress over the nation's seemingly insurmountable debt. Sources said the plan could be traced back to one GOP senator catching a Capital One commercial while watching CSI: Vegas on his cell phone during an important committee hearing.
"The answer to our problems has been right in front of us the whole time," said Senator Tom Cotton. "The commercial said we can get a 0% introductory APR! How great is that? We can't pass up the chance to put a big dent in our national debt by simply transferring the balance onto a Capital One card. Everyone knows rolling your debt into another credit card fixes everything, so why not do it on a national scale?"
Other legislators were quick to jump on board with the plan. "Honestly, we're a little embarrassed that we didn't come up with this sooner," said Congressman Dan Crenshaw. "Someone finally realized we could roll all of it into a low-interest credit card. It's such an obvious and easy fix. I couldn't believe my eye."
At publishing time, Capitol Hill sources reported that GOP lawmakers were further sold on the deal after learning that they could all receive free football-shaped telephones for signing up for the card.
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