MAR-A-LAGO, FL - With Elon Musk reaching a deal to purchase Twitter, many on the platform believe Trump's account will soon be restored. Upon hearing the news, Trump announced that he will soon be sharing all 278,000 tweets the world missed while he was kicked off the platform.
"I have been writing my tweets, my big, beautiful tweets, in this journal for two looong years," said Trump. motioning to a large golden leatherbound volume on his nightstand. "They are the good tweets, the best tweets, really. Real beauties. And now, you can read all of them, folks! All. Every single one! Big Tech can't hide them from you anymore! I will share them on Twitter in one long thread. You're welcome!"
Sources say the world will soon be treated to Trump's every thought he's had since January 6, from his opinion on AOC, to his feelings on Liz Cheney's hairdo, to his latest nicknames for Sleepy Joe Biden.
When asked about what he would do with Truth Social, Trump responded, saying "Huh? What's that?"
Snopes and USA Today have announced they will be hiring hundreds of staff to fact check Trump's 278,000-tweet thread.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: