According to rumors, Disney and Lucasfilm are looking at rebooting the beloved Indiana Jones film series sans Harrison Ford, leading fans to speculate what dramatic changes are in store for everyone's favorite archaeologist. The Babylon Bee is here with all the details.
Exciting changes coming to the Indiana Jones franchise:
Indy will break into museums to steal relics and return them to their rightful indigenous owners: "It doesn't belong in a museum!"
Characters will periodically break the fourth wall and talk to the camera about respecting women: This is so important for modern audiences to hear.
Indy will be played by an AI-generated combination of Pedro Pascal and Timothée Chalamet: It simply can't get better than this.
All the Nazis will wear red trucker hats: Just like they really did in 1930's Berlin.
Musical number written by Lin-Manuel Miranda and featuring Rachel Zegler: Existing Indy films will also be re-edited to include a musical number.
There will be a wise-cracking sidekick who is a quirky Gen Z computer hacker with broccoli hair: The focus groups indicate this will be necessary.
Indy will have two dads: Just as it should be.
Will be a more realistic depiction of archaeology, with hours of footage depicting the hard work of slowly gridding off a search area and sifting through dirt: At the end of the movie, Indy will find a fragment of pottery that aids in his thesis. Nice!
To avoid conjuring up triggering images of slavery, Indy's whip will be replaced by a can of mace: Highly effective.
Harrison Ford will also be in the movie, but will just be looking at the camera pleading, "Please let me retire in peace.": Classic!
Looks like Indy is in for quite a change. Which exciting new aspect of the film series do you like best? Let us know in the comments below!
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