DUBLIN, OH — After seeing yet another whiny baby of a patient complaining about having an anaphylactic response to peanuts, local physician Dr. Mark Townsend recommended that his patient try just being a man and dealing with it.
Townsend had finally heard enough bellyaching from weenies who can't even get near peanut products without struggling to breathe.
"Aw, boo-hoo, my throat's closing off, whaaa," said Dr. Townsend, mocking his current patient, Darryl Fink. "How's about you suck it up and grow a pair? It's a peanut, tough guy. Stop being such a crybaby."
According to Townsend's nurse, Fink had arrived in severe respiratory distress after an accidental peanut exposure, necessitating emergency intramuscular epinephrine. "He kept pointing at his throat and gasping, then he just laid down on the floor like a little girl," said Dr. Townsend. "Sure, take a nap, Darryl. The rest of us have actual jobs to do. I'll give you your dumb shot, you big baby. Stop being so dramatic."
At publishing time, Dr. Townsend had told his next patient to stop being a huge wuss about "having hyperemesis gravidarum" and just learn to hold on to her food.
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