SACRAMENTO, CA – In a nationwide campaign to promote abortion tourism in California, Gavin Newsom has purchased ads in red states encouraging women to travel to California to kill their babies. As part of the campaign, he has also taken to transforming into a giant green snake that whispers temptations into the ears of scared pregnant women.
"Hellllo Katie... did God really ssssssssay you sssssshhhhhouldn't kill your baby?" hissed Newsom to Katie Barnes, a pregnant 20-year-old from Indiana. "It would be ssssssssssooooo much easier to fly to California and... you know... take care of it."
Sources say the campaign is working well, as women are notorious for believing whatever a talking snake says.
"You will be happy, wealthy, and prosperousssssss," whispered Newsom to another woman in Oklahoma. "Just one little flip of the switch on a suction machine, or little poke with a poison injection, or some stainless steel cutting tools, and you're home free, baby!"
Supporters in California are calling Newsom's campaign "brave" and "compassionate", while critics are scrambling to escape California before it's destroyed completely by fire and brimstone.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.