Desperate Cowboys Re-Sign Troy Aikman
Sports · Jan 15, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

DALLAS, TX — Following yet another disappointing showing in the NFL playoffs, the Dallas Cowboys have made one last desperate attempt to regain the franchise's former glory by re-signing Hall of Fame quarterback Troy Aikman.

The team reportedly lost confidence in quarterback Dak Prescott after he was unable to lead the team to victory against the underdog Green Bay Packers, instead placing an urgent late-night phone call to the retired 57-year-old Aikman.

"I didn't expect to get this call after being out of the game for so long, but I'm happy to help the team any way I can," Aikman said after news of the signing broke. "I don't walk as easily as I used to, I tend to forget even the most basic pieces of information after years of taking violent blows to the head, and my right arm fell off back in 2009, but I'm willing to be a team player and suit up again."

Though signing a quarterback of such an advanced age is an unprecedented move, the team believes it could result in positive publicity in addition to a potential upgrade at the position. "We know how beloved Troy is among our fanbase," said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. "We feel bringing him back will score us some points with the fans and hopefully score some more points on the field. Anything is better than paying Dak millions of dollars every game to go out and throw the ball to the other team."

At publishing time, Cowboys fans soured on the signing after learning the team was required to bring in Aikman's broadcast partner Joe Buck as part of the deal.


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