ALEXANDRIA, VA — Senator Chuck Schumer was seen struggling with Costco security guards after failing to show his membership card at the entrance of the warehouse, an event the politician was heard loudly calling "Jim Crow 2.0."
Schumer reportedly urged other shoppers to call their senators and representatives to inform them that this was a clear sign that democracy itself was not in danger if the SAVE Act, which would require voters to show identification, were to pass.
"This is just the beginning!" the Senate minority leader was heard shouting. "They want me to show an ID to enter Costco?! This is clearly a violation of my civil rights. I shouldn't have to show a Costco membership just to enter Costco. There are millions of Americans who are unable to obtain a Costco membership. These poor, simple souls deserve to shop at the wholesale grocer just as much as anyone else. It's un-American!"
After refusing to show his membership card, Schumer was escorted out of the store by Costco security guards. He could be heard yelling loudly in the parking lot about the "injustices" of having to show an ID.
"Look, I need to pick up some of that delicious jalapeno dip," witnesses heard him ranting. "I can't endure another weekend without it. But having to show an ID upon entry? This is how fascism starts!"
At publishing time, Senator Schumer had also been kicked out of his local Baskin-Robbins for refusing to show proof that it was actually his birthday after trying to get a free scoop.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
