Sports
Deprived Sports Fans Forced To Throw Ball Around With Their Kids

U.S.—Having been deprived of sports for nearly a month, sports fans everywhere have been itching to watch other men throw balls around on their TV screens. To cope with the withdrawals, many have been doing the unthinkable and going to play the sports themselves, throwing a baseball or football around with their kids.

With no sports on TV, men all across the nation have resigned themselves to going out to their yards and actually playing the sports with their families.

"I guess it's come to this," sighed local man Jacob Anderson as he dusted off an old baseball glove and went into the backyard with his son. "Boy, do I need sports to come back as soon as possible." As he tossed a baseball at his son, he instinctively pulled out his phone to check the score of the Angels game, but then he remembered that the MLB has been postponed. He repeated this process over seventeen times throughout their backyard game of baseball, checking his phone and then sighing and putting it away.

"What have we come to in this country where we have to actually go outside and play sports ourselves? I thought this was America," he said angrily as he climbed the backyard fence to go retrieve a baseball from his neighbor's yard. "I can't wait until this whole thing is over and we can just watch other people play sports again."

Many men have been coping by playing fantasy sports leagues with their kids, forcing them to play a full season of baseball, hockey, basketball, or football, and drafting the best players into their fantasy teams. "I had to cut Aiden last week," said fantasy manager Brett Harpin of Des Moines. "He kept throwing his glove up in the air and picking flowers while his brothers rounded the bases. He's a good kid -- I hope he lands with a franchise that can bring the best out of him."

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