U.S. — The Democratic Party in the United States has pulled off a successful insurrection, completing a coup d'etat to remove the current President from power.
"The President has fallen!" cried Democratic party elites joyfully, having seized power. "Yay insurrection!"
According to sources, Democratic party elites have worked tirelessly to overthrow the candidate chosen by voters, using everything from donation boycotts to blackmail. "It took everything we have, but we have deposed the democratically elected candidate of our party," said former President Obama proudly. "Democracy has been saved."
At publishing time, MSNBC's Joe Scarborough had come on TV to explain how some insurrections are actually very good.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
