WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats assured the American people this week there's no way people who entered the country illegally would ever engage in other illegal activities like, say, voting.
"Nope, these guys are just ‘one and done' law-breakers," Representative Jamaal Bowman told the press. "There's no way they'd ever try to do anything else illegal like voting in an election. And anyway, our elections are air-tight. There's absolutely no way to vote illegally, except for the 30 ways I can think of right now off the top of my head…"
Democrats have railed against Republicans in recent weeks after prominent members of the GOP called for stricter voting rules and mandatory voter IDs. Republicans worry the influx of illegal immigrants at the border could lead to a wave of illegal voting, something Democrats maintain never happens because people who come to the country illegally would never try to do anything else illegal…ever.
"These brave men and women who come to our country are just looking for a new life and possible to vote as a bloc against fascist Republicans but they can't…I mean…it says right in our law books that it's illegal!" Bowman explained. "But also, ID's are racist, election integrity is racist, and accusing illegal immigrants-I mean, immigration-impacted individuals, of trying to vote illegally is most definitely racist."
As of publishing time, 300,000 additional voters were registered in Texas in the past four hours under totally not suspicious circumstances.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
