Times are tough at Disney subsidiaries, with even the one-time animation powerhouse Pixar being forced to make significant layoffs. With so much happening, knowing just which positions are being done away with can be helpful.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the inside scoop and put together the following list of jobs being eliminated at Pixar:
- Assistant Grooming Director: Though the lead Grooming Director still has a job, he will now have to groom without an assistant.
- Gay Cartoon Intimacy Coordinator: In charge of overseeing all gay cartoon love scenes.
- Senior Lame Narrative Developer: This was the person who made sure all stories were completely, hopelessly lame.
- Fat And Ugly Character Representation Consultant: Now there will be no one to ensure the characters are fat and ugly.
- Chief Kink Officer: No one was more integral in the effort to completely screw up the minds of children.
- Cultural Appropriation Risk Assessor: With this job gone, there is a far better chance that a character will recklessly appropriate someone's culture.
- Puberty Blocker Vending Machine Refiller: All break rooms and lobbies at Pixar will need to find new sources for artificial hormone alterations.
- Caucasian Shamer: Berating all white people will now be a job shared by the entire company.
- Chief Disabled Queer BIPOC Trans Communist Satan Representation Officer: The outgoing CDQBTCSRO will easily find a spot at another movie studio.
- Entire Department of Good Ideas: Though this department has been empty for years, they have officially done away with it.
It may be difficult to get any agenda-driven movies made without the jobs listed above, but Pixar will probably keep trying anyway.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
