Mrs. O'Leary's Third Grade Social Studies Class Passes Official Resolution Ordering Israel Out Of Rafah
Politics · May 24, 2024 ·

HARTFORD, CT — Sources within Jimmy Carter Hillary Clinton Harvey Milk Elementary School are claiming Mrs. O'Leary's third-graders have just voted 18-2 to pass a powerful, landmark resolution ordering Israel to withdraw all troops from Rafah, a city in southern Gaza.

In addition to calling for all Israeli troops to stand down immediately, the official, strongly-worded resolution from the third-grade social studies class helpfully suggests that Israel "just be nice to the poor Palestinians" and calls for Benjamin Netanyahu to "maybe try sharing the land." Additionally, the statement points out that "perhaps Hamas just needs its voice to be heard" and calls for Israel to "stop denying the Palestinians their truth."

"This class has really made a significant contribution to the cause of freedom and world peace," said Mrs. O'Leary as she adjusted the Palestinian flag kerchief covering her light-blue hair. "We hope that the Israeli government will give this ground-breaking intervention the recognition and compliance it deserves."

Mrs. O'Leary was unavailable for further comment, as she had to go lead her students in several rousing chants of "From the river to the sea, Palestine shall be free!" before their gender studies class.

At publishing time, the third-grade social studies class had released a statement recognizing Palestine, Narnia, and the Never-Land as legitimate, real, completely not-fictional political entities.

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