WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference this morning, Democratic leaders were asked a question a lot of creatives are asked: "Where do you get your ideas?"
"Oh, yeah, Babylon Bee, totally," said Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "We check The Babylon Bee every morning and get some great ideas for what we're going to do next week."
One time, The Babylon Bee wrote an article where Ocasio-Cortez nearly strangled herself with her shoelaces. "I thought that one was really great -- it reminded me about bootstraps and shoelaces and how they contribute to a less equitable society. So I gave a fiery speech about it in Congress."
John Kerry read a Babylon Bee article about an AR-16 and immediately condemned the rifle, saying he was thankful to the news outlet for bringing it to his attention.
The Bernie Sanders campaign said they weren't sure how to sell their Green New Deal support to the nation, but then read a great article where The Babylon Bee said the deal would include energy-efficient gulags. So, campaign staffers quickly changed their tune and started talking about setting up gulags and rounding up Trump supporters and burning cities if Sanders won.
The Babylon Bee reported "Democrats Warn We Shouldn’t Reopen The Country Until We Can Be Safe From Trump Getting Credit For A Good Economy," and a short time later a former Obama staffer said he was really worried that strong economic data going into November would be really bad for them.
Many people thought The Babylon Bee had a crystal ball or were modern-day charismatic prophets, but it turns out there's a much simpler explanation: Democrats checking out the website every morning and stealing all our great ideas!
We promise to only use this newfound power and influence for good, maybe writing that Democrats have all promised to rocket themselves to Mars because the Earth is racist or something.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.