WASHINGTON, D.C. — Outraged Senate Democrats are calling for the investigation of a local black man who allegedly went on vacation without their permission.
"I say, I say, ain't no black man gonna take no vacation on our watch unless he asks us first!" said Senator Dick "Foghorn" Durban while chewing a sprig of wheat and gripping the lapels on his frock coat. "This young man has gotten a bit too uppity for his own good, yessiree!"
Pelosi joined the growing chorus of Democrats demanding answers for whoever let the black man have time off when there was probably lots of work to be done around Washington, D.C. "Thomeone needth to teath that blackth manth a lessonth," she said, struggling to speak as she hadn't found her teeth yet. "Who leth him go free, anyway?"
Sources say the man's vacation included hours of unsanctioned reading, sunbathing, and beach volleyball playing, which Democrats are condemning as "most inappropriate" and "highly irregular."
At publishing time, Democrat leaders dispatched several overseers to fetch the black man and bring him in for questioning.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
