U.S. — With controversy swirling around Disney's The Little Mermaid reboot and plans to rework the song "Kiss The Girl" to include lyrics about consent, Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle released a statement applauding the changes.
"I, too, have been in Ariel's position. I have experienced the fear, trauma, and humiliation personally," said Markle in solidarity with the movie character. "One time, Prince Harry tried to kiss me too. I was terrified as his ginger face closed in on me like a giant lumpy orange peach. I screamed and ran for my life. I will never be able to erase the horror and pain of that moment."
Markle then broke down sobbing and blew her nose into a $3000 custom Hermès handkerchief.
Disney has confirmed that they will make drastic changes to the problematic scene in The Little Mermaid in which a Jamaican lobster coaxes Prince Eric to kiss Ariel even though a magical spell has taken away her ability to speak and give verbal consent. "Even as a little girl, that scene terrified me," said Markle. "And then I lived it. That is true suffering."
After critics demanded Prince Harry atone for his actions, he finally released a 12-page apology in Cosmopolitan magazine.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
