U.S. — With controversy swirling around Disney's The Little Mermaid reboot and plans to rework the song "Kiss The Girl" to include lyrics about consent, Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle released a statement applauding the changes.
"I, too, have been in Ariel's position. I have experienced the fear, trauma, and humiliation personally," said Markle in solidarity with the movie character. "One time, Prince Harry tried to kiss me too. I was terrified as his ginger face closed in on me like a giant lumpy orange peach. I screamed and ran for my life. I will never be able to erase the horror and pain of that moment."
Markle then broke down sobbing and blew her nose into a $3000 custom Hermès handkerchief.
Disney has confirmed that they will make drastic changes to the problematic scene in The Little Mermaid in which a Jamaican lobster coaxes Prince Eric to kiss Ariel even though a magical spell has taken away her ability to speak and give verbal consent. "Even as a little girl, that scene terrified me," said Markle. "And then I lived it. That is true suffering."
After critics demanded Prince Harry atone for his actions, he finally released a 12-page apology in Cosmopolitan magazine.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
