SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Former NCAA swimming champion and current women's rights activist Riley Gaines has been arrested and charged with forcing trans activists to physically assault her after giving a speech regarding protecting women's sports at San Francisco State University.

"Miss Gaines has been taken into custody and booked," said University Police spokesperson Phil Shaw. "She has been charged with forcing supporters of the trans community to assault her. This is a serious crime and will be treated as such. Any victims of violent beatings by trans activists will face swift justice."

Gaines has become an outspoken critic of biological males being allowed to compete against biological females in women's sports, leading to activists calling for her to be silenced. "Who is this woman who says women have rights?!" asked one angry activist. "Those words are literally violence and are forcing supporters of the trans community to physically beat her! How dare she commit such a horrible act and make someone punch her? It's disgusting!"

University officials heralded the actions of the trans activists and the swift response by the campus police in dealing with Gaines's dangerous behavior. "We're so proud of our campus police for their bravery," said a university spokesperson, Evergreen Stardust (They/Them). "Not to mention the courageous actions of the brave people who assaulted Miss Gaines."

At publishing time, though San Francisco prosecutors had charged Gaines with a felony and requested that she be held without bail until trial sources said a special allowance to institute the death penalty was also being considered.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.