WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Republicans have accused the Democrats of using delay tactics in the hearings for Justice Brett Kavanaugh, saying the Democrats are just trying to stall things until after the midterms, being especially critical of the Democrats' latest demand that all 29 seasons of primetime cartoon The Simpsons be watched before any vote is held.
The Democrats are not budging, though. "There is little more important than a Supreme Court appointment," said Senator Dianne Feinstein. "We should not rush this, but instead do our due diligence, which I say involves watching all 639 episodes of America's favorite yellow family."
Without commercials or any breaks, the Democrats' demanded Simpsons marathon would take almost ten days. Most pundits think a more realistic marathon -- one which afforded time for sleep, bathroom breaks, and delays in switching DVDs -- would take three weeks. In addition, most of the Democrats say the marathon should include The Simpsons Movie.
"This is absurd," responded Republican Senator Orrin Hatch. "We could agree to watching the first eight seasons -- ten seasons at most -- but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to watch beyond that except to draw things out."
Many of the Democrats disputed Hatch's assertion. "People disparage the later seasons," Senator Kirsten Gillibrand said, "but I say the writing remains sharp." When asked to name any meme-able jokes from recent seasons, though, the best she could come up with was "Stupid Sexy Flanders", which is from an episode all the way back in the 11th season.
Despite pushback, Democrats insist that viewing all episodes of The Simpsons is crucial before making any sort of decision on the Supreme Court. Some are even now suggesting that any vote be push backed to late October, after the start of The Simpsons' 30th season, so every Senator can go into the vote on Kavanaugh with a completed ranking of all 29 "Treehouse of Horror" anthologies (the first season of The Simpsons did not have a Halloween episode).
This move has also gained the support of former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, who belittled the Republicans' concerns, tweeting, "As Lisa Simpson would say, 'Don't have a cow, man.'"
