WASHINGTON, D.C.—After observing how prospective Supreme Court justice Brett Kavanaugh's hearings went today, the Senate agreed to have Hugh Jackman host all future televised hearings in order to lend "a little more circus-like pizzazz" to the proceedings.
Jackman auditioned for the part and was instantly put on retainer by the Judiciary Committee. The move will add some "much-needed dramatics," finally dropping all pretense of the Senate being anything other than an elaborate circus. Jackman's talented singing, dancing, and acting skills are said to be "just what the Senate needs," according to insiders.
"This is the greatest show!" he belted out during his audition as senators nodded approvingly and snacked on peanuts. After singing several songs from The Greatest Showman, including "The Greatest Show," "From Now On," and "A Million Dreams," Jackman called in several other actors to perform acrobatics, fire breathing, sword juggling, and more incredible feats. Finally, he summoned several elephants "seemingly out of nowhere" in a grand finale.
"Jackman was great in the movie, so we figured he'd be perfect for this crazy carnival we're running," Senator Cory Booker said. "And he totally nailed it!"
At publishing time, sources had confirmed recesses at future Senate hearings will feature a stunning song and dance duet with Jackman and Zac Efron, a move which has garnered significant bipartisan support.