ARVADA, CO — Local dad Craig Smith has spent the past year fervently praying that his daughter Claire will get a decent case of acne from age 14 until about 23.
"Please Lord, just until her frontal lobe develops," said Smith, ending his daily prayer. "My little girl is so beautiful that I really, really need something to mess her face up. I'm not asking much. Just a solid amount of zits in highly visible places. I don't want it to scar her or anything. I just hope she's somewhat of a pizza face -- at least until she gets through college. It's only because I love her."
According to family members, Smith has repeatedly inquired of his doctor if a "reverse-Accutane" exists. "Craig is committed to the cause," said his wife Brittney. "I caught him last week trying to switch out Claire's face wash with canola oil. It's going to be a long decade."
At publishing time, Smith had poked arm holes in the side of a black trash bag for Claire to use as a dress for the teenage years.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
