U.S. — Concerns have arisen that the Salvation Army has perhaps gone too far with its military metaphor after the group unveiled a brigade of fully-armed Leopard 2A6 tanks.
"This might be a tad overboard," said local parishioner Tom Watkins as he watched the brigade of tanks parade up the street. "I'm starting to think we might ought to dial it back just a skosh."
Though impressed with the fearsome sight of tanks rolling up to church, congregants have questioned if the church really needs that much firepower. "I don't mind the congregation being called a 'corps,' or having pastors be 'officers' and all that. But -- those are really big tanks," said local woman Evelyn Bennett. "The kids' Sunday School area is now filled with artillery shells. I'm concerned we've taken this a bit too far."
According to sources, the tank brigade will be led by Salvation Army Major John Livingston, who was recently promoted from managing the thrift store. "I know some people think having real tanks and mechanized infantry is overkill," admitted Livingston. "All I know is there are no atheists in foxholes, and you're going to be looking for a foxhole when these bad boys roll up. Let's ride!"
At publishing time, congregants had expressed further concern about overdoing the military metaphor after the Salvation Army revealed its fleet of nuclear submarines.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
