Coin Shortage Traced To Kenneth Copeland's Giant Money Vault

U.S.—A coin shortage in the U.S. has been pinned on prosperity gospel preacher Kenneth Copeland. According to a new report, Copeland is hoarding over 80% of the nation's coins in a giant money vault that he dives into each morning.

"Well, I named and claimed it fair and square," Copeland said as reporters asked him about his hoard of coins, hundred-dollar bills, and rare gemstones. "Plus, the poor saps who follow me just keep handing me the money. It's crazy. I act like a demon-possessed maniac and fly around in private jets and stuff, and they just keep sending it to me."

"What can I say, I'm blessed!"

Officials asked Copeland nicely if he would release some of the coins so that others can have them too, but Copeland only responded with, "Money, money, money!" and dove off his giant diving board into the pool of cash.

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