PLANET POPSTAR—Lovable, innocent little pink puffball Kirby may not be so lovable and innocent after all: recent images have emerged of the pink puff wearing hurtful costumes that appropriate the cultures of various other lands, including the Mushroom Kingdom, Corneria, the Green Hill Zone, and thousands of others.
Kirby will be removed from the Smash Bros. roster pending an investigation into the damaging accusations that he wears costumes making fun of other cultures.
"My culture is not a costume," said an aggrieved Mario. "Kirby puts on the red hat and mustache, and it looks like it's all in good fun, but he's really sucking out the heart and soul of our culture, hurtfully appropriating it so he can 'win Smash Bros' and 'shoot fireballs.' It's really harmful to us oppressed Italians."
"Hyrule is a place with a rich culture and legacy," said Link, "and Kirby comes along thinking it's hilarious to wear a green hat like he's one of us. Everything's a joke to that guy. He really sucks."
"Pikachu!" said an upset Pikachu. "Pika pikaaaaaa!!! Pika?"
One particularly damning photo shows Kirby wearing blackface after swallowing Mr. Game & Watch whole.