ATLANTA, GA - After years of publishing distorted headlines, slanted news articles, and heavily biased news coverage, media giant CNN announced Friday that it has decided to launch a spinoff site that focuses on real news comprised of objective facts.
Dubbed "CNN: Real," the site is designed to bring the news media empire into the arena of publishing real news, a step away from its roots as a channel that covers entirely fabricated stories and shamelessly spins all news into liberal talking points.
"We know this is going to get some push-back from our viewer base, but don't worry: the original CNN site and cable channel are still a large part of our business," company Vice President Michael Bass said during an announcement on the shift toward real news. "Anytime you want to have your biases confirmed, CNN will be there."
"But with CNN: Real, we're going to try our hand at reporting facts, and doing so in an unbiased manner."
Painting the new site as an "experiment," Bass admitted to reporters that he is not entirely confident the real news angle will resonate with the company's regular viewership, but CNN executives decided it was worth a shot, saying, "If it doesn't work out, we can always just go back to focusing all of our energy on making stuff up."