CNN Buys Extra-Large Excavator To Help Bury Durham Report
Media · May 17, 2023 ·

ATLANTA, GA — As the Durham report reveals inconvenient facts about the Trump-Russia investigation and lies told by CNN, the cable news station elected to purchase a large excavator that will help them bury the report altogether.

"Yeah, this baby can remove 1000 cubic yards of dirt per day," said anchor Jake Tapper, slapping the engine cover. "That's more than enough to dig a large hole and bury this report and all evidence of our crappy journalism for good!"

"Get diggin' Carl!"

Sources say a crowd of onlookers had gathered to watch as CNN staff threw stacks of paper, file cabinets, and hard drives into the massive hole, but they were quickly chased away by a screaming hobo who looked suspiciously like Don Lemon.

CNN is hoping the hole outside the soon-to-be-vacated Atlanta HQ will be deep enough to cover up three years of misdoings long after they've moved on.

At publishing time, CNN had decided to make the hole bigger in order to also accommodate their coverage of the BLM riots.

Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!

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