U.S. — Vice President Kamala Harris was honored with an honorary degree from America's premier clown college Wednesday for her hard work clowning around the nation's capital. Harris joins a pantheon of great American clowns such as Lori Lightfoot and John Wayne Gacy.
"It is an honor to be respected by this great institution of clowning," VP Harris said humbly after donning traditional clown garb and squeezing a bugle horn. "Who doesn't love a clown? Am I right? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Ohhhhhh I just LOOOVE clowns! HA HA HA HA HA!"
Dean Sippy the Cosmic Space Clown pinned an oversized novelty flower corsage to her lapel and shook her hand with an electric handshake buzzer, as is tradition among the most respected of clowns.
"Today you are no longer Kamala Harris, Vice President of the United States. You are henceforth Kammy the Laughing Clown!"
Kammy the Laughing Clown reportedly laughed wildly for the next three hours as an audience of clowns looked on in abject terror.
Kamala Harris' clown persona is officially registered with Clowns International and is available for birthday parties.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
