NEW YORK, NY — Following through on his campaign promise to help vulnerable groups regardless of their legal status, benevolent New York Mayor Eric Adams has declared Texas a sanctuary state for illegal immigrants.
"So goes the poem, 'Give Texas your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,'" said Mayor Adams to busloads of immigrants who had just arrived from Texas but could not disembark because mayoral staffers had welded the doors shut. "I'd love to keep you here in New York but we ran out of homeless veterans to kick out on the street."
Mayor Adams has received criticism for busing immigrants to non-sanctuary towns and filling elementary schools. He blasted critics, however, saying, "I'm a democrat."
He then stared into space and smiled.
At publishing time, the kind, generous Mayor of New York City had unveiled a newly refurbished Statue Of Liberty that held a giant arrow pointing West that said "New York Is Thataway."
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.