LAKE CHARLES, LA—Local Christian Guy Tenney announced Monday that he's still clinging to the hope of the coming of the Kingdom of God, just in case his political party happens to fail him.
"On the off chance that my political party doesn't usher in peace on earth, I guess there's always Jesus," he said thoughtfully as he opened his Bible for morning devotions, but spent most of the time checking the Twitter feeds of his favorite political pundits to see on which front the culture war would be fought today. "It's good to have a plan B to fall back on."
Tenney said, however, that he doesn't expect his chosen political party to fail him. He pointed out that they have money, power, and the promise to use the government to do stuff that he approves of.
"They have a pretty solid plan for America," he said. "It hasn't worked so far, but if we just get the right people in charge, it'll be like heaven on earth. And then I can drop the whole Christian charade."
"But until then, I'm keeping the coming of Christ in my back pocket for a rainy day."