SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The content safety team for the social media site X (formerly Twitter) has announced major progress in fighting child grooming on the platform. According to their statistics, child grooming content on Elon Musk's social media app has plummeted by 83% since Disney pulled ads in an effort to boycott X.

"X is safer from abhorrent content aimed at sexualizing children now that Disney is out of the picture," said the Content Safety Officer, "We're seeing a reduction in gender confusion, trans ideology, and creeps telling kids to ignore their parents and just do whatever they want. A huge win for all involved."

In contrast, Disney announced plans to scale back much of its entertainment production funding, as it has been having trouble finding new venues in which to groom kids.

At publishing time, the X content safety team had announced a dangerous spike in hate-filled screeching after Keith Olbermann started tweeting again.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.