WASHINGTON, D.C. — A notable page was written in the history books today, as New York Representative George Santos was expelled from Congress for doing a lackluster job of covering up his ethics violations.
"In Congress, there's nothing we value more deeply than the appearance of ethical behavior," said House Speaker Mike Johnson. "If a rookie Congressman thinks he can come waltzing in here committing ethics violations without hiding them from public view, he's got another thing coming."
"He's been a total disgrace," said Congressman Eric Swalwell. "Anyone who can't properly cover their tracks has no business being in the United States Congress. It's one of the most basic, fundamental characteristics of serving as an elected official. You do all kinds of shady, unethical, often illegal things, but you have to be savvy enough to keep everything hidden. Santos clearly couldn't do that. Shameful!"
In a rare move, the House of Representatives voted 311-116 to expel a sitting member, officially making Santos a former congressman. "I am honored to remain serving in the U.S. Congress," Santos said in a statement to the media after being expelled from the U.S. Congress. "Having the House vote to keep me in my seat will allow me to keep serving my constituents with distinction."
The vote came after a closed-door meeting in which other members of the House reportedly scolded Santos for flouting the first rule of serving in the legislative branch. "We all felt bad for voting against a gay guy who dresses in drag for fun," said one congressman who asked to remain anonymous. "But when you can't fulfill your basic duties of keeping your immoral and illegal actions secret, you've gotta go."
At publishing time, Santos was asking around Capitol Hill to find out if his drag queen alter ego was eligible to serve in his place.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
