SOUTH BEND, IN - Pete Buttigieg has come under fire for what many are calling a lack of credentials to be our nation's Secretary of Transportation. But Buttigieg defended himself, pointing out that he has played tons of Mario Kart 64, making him an expert in the field.

"You don't think I know roads? Try Rainbow Road," he said indignantly. "I've spun out around corners thanks to a well-placed banana peel. I've fired off a blue shell on 
Choco Mountain at just the right time, sending my foes careening to their doom. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe: green shells bouncing off guard rails and hitting Peach in the face. Red shells firing off into the blue waters of Koopa Troopa Beach. Noobs smashing into the moles of Moo Moo Farm."

"Am I qualified? Yes. I'd say I am."

When critics pointed out that playing a video game with a tenuous connection to transportation doesn't make him an expert, he had the perfect comeback, retorting, "Did I mention I am a gay man?"