WASHINGTON, D.C. — After two years in captivity, the QAnon buffalo guy has been tagged and released back into the wild to roam the plains once again.
"Wow... just look at him go. No creature that majestic should be in a cage," said Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene with a tear in her eye. "Run free, Buffalo Guy! You are among your American buffalo brethren once again!"
The news of Buffalo Guy's release has shaken Washington, with Democrat politicians running and hiding in terror upon hearing the news. "This is dangerous! Such a deadly wild animal should have been put down long ago! Who authorized this?" said a terrified Senator Chuck Schumer from under his desk.
Sources say Buffalo Guy is now free due to the release of additional January 6th footage which showed the docile, lovable creature being gently escorted through the Capitol grounds by a team of trained Capitol Police buffalo handlers.
At publishing time, AOC heard the news and died again.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
